5 Signs of a Healthy Marriage

 

Every few months I trotted my daughter to the doctor for a well-baby checkup. As a nervous new mother, I appreciated having a healthcare professional evaluate my baby’s health. She listened to my concerns; peered into my baby’s eyes, ears, nose, and throat; and listened to her heart. After she measured her height and weight, she asked me questions about her eating and sleeping habits. Then she made helpful suggestions. 

Regular physical checkups are important if we value a healthy body, and regular relationship checkups are important if we value a healthy marriage. If you’d like to evaluate the health of your marriage (without having to step on a scale or say Ahhh), consider these five signs of a healthy marriage. 

Today I'm guest posting on Crosswalk.com's Marriage and Family section. To read the rest of this article, click HERE.

Does Your Faith Need Refreshing?

That's in the Bible? I've never noticed that before!

It's probably been too long since you've newly discovered a story that speaks to your soul or a verse that pops with truth. But that's about to change!


Refresh Your Faith contains 66 culturally relevant, story-driven devotions, one from each book of the Bible. Each real-life story spotlights an unusual verse or Bible passage that you may have overlooked in your usual Bible reading. Lori Hatcher challenges you with additional features like an uncommon thought to ponder; an unusual faith action step; and an unfamiliar passage suggestion for additional Bible reading.

When the fabulous has become familiar and your quiet times are more like nap times, it's time to step out of spiritual boredom and ignite the spark that will keep you growing. No matter where you are on your faith journey, Lori's conversational and engaging style will challenge you to think about things you've never thought about before.

“Real-life inspiration and candid wit. These 5-minute devotions will change your life.” —Psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Kevin Leman, commenting on Lori Hatcher's devotional style

Are you hungry for God, but starving for time? 
I’d love to send you a 5-minute e-mail devotion twice a week to start your day off with the Lord. 

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Because busy women need to connect with God in the craziness of everyday life.

Do You Have a Bradford Pear Tree Marriage?

If your marriage survives its first few years, when do you think the next greatest threat will come? Year seven? Ten? Fifteen? Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, tells us the second highest rate of divorce occurs not in the challenging years of early parenting, or even during the time when you’re raising teens. The second highest rate of divorce happens in the empty nest years. 

Today, as I walked my neighborhood in the pre-dawn hours, I saw a powerful illustration of why. In the ‘80s, a “new” tree came on the scene – the Bradford pear. Cultivated for its beautiful, flame-shaped branches and rapid growth, it quickly became the landscapers’ favorite. Developers lined entrances to subdivisions with long rows of them, and every yard had at least one. When they flowered in early spring, their white blooms were breathtaking. 

Unfortunately, after about 20 years, the trees began showing signs of serious structural problems. The long branches that created such a beautiful shape grew too heavy for the truck to support them. Wind, rain, or simply the weight of its leaves caused the trees to split in half, destroying the tree. 

Something similar often happens in our marriages. 

Like the Bradford Pear trees that so charmed the landscapers, our marriages start out beautiful. Their branches begin to grow and bear fruit. We mature. But in some marriages, the longer we’re together, the further we grow from each other. Before long, we begin to separate. Each year brings us futher and further from each other. By the time the empty nest years roll around, we’re so far apart we have nothing in common. A storm, a crisis, or the weight of day-to-day life takes its toll, and the marriage splits. 

If you don’t want to have a Bradford Pear marriage, here are ten steps you can take now to ensure you and your spouse grow together, not apart. 

1. Cultivate at least one shared experience without the kids. Even if it’s only once a month, do something fun you both enjoy. 

2. Attend church together. Studies still show committed Christians have a lower than average divorce rate. 

3. Put your marriage ahead of your kids. Studies also show the best thing you can do to help your children grow up happy, healthy, and well-adjusted is to stay married. 

4. Invest in your marriage. We don’t think twice about paying for summer camps, music lessons, and a myriad of other “necessities” for our children, but we balk at the cost of a weekend marriage retreat or getaway. When your child is 25, he’s not going to thank you for the archery lessons in fifth grade. He’s going to thank you for staying married when all his friends’ parents divorced. 

5. Be the first to say “I’m sorry.” No disagreement is all one person’s fault. Be the bigger person. Apologize for your part, and tell your spouse you love them. 

6. Participate in a marriage Bible study. Another way to invest in your marriage, learning from wise teachers alongside other people committed to growing their marriages will help you not be lazy in your most important human relationship. 

7. Say please and thank you. Treat your spouse with the same respect you’d treat a stranger. Don’t forget the common courtesies. 

8. Tell him what you like about him. When you were dating, you told him all the time how handsome, smart, and funny he was. Why stop now that you’re married? We all enjoy a sincere compliment every now and then. 

9. Pray together. When you and your spouse pray together, you don’t just join hands, or even hearts. When you pray, your souls touch. There’s not a stronger bond for cementing your marriage than inviting God into the center of it. 

10. Recognize what Emerson Eggerichs calls “The 80/20 Ratio.” His book, Love and Respect, explains it this way. “According to this concept, around 80 percent of the time, your marriage can be categorized as good or even great while around 20 percent of the time, you may have troubles of one kind or another. . . . If we do not accept the inevitability of some trouble as part of God’s design (that we will have moments when we feel unloved or disrespected), we may fall for the idea that a marriage should always be the perfect Hollywood romance. And then, when troubles do come, we may conclude that we are not receiving what we deserve.” 

A few months ago tropical-storm-force gusts blew through our neighborhood as Hurricane Irma roared by. Four trees went down. Three of them were Bradford Pears. 

I don’t have to share recent divorce statistics to warn you – the danger is real. So whether you’ve been married three weeks or three decades, investing in your relationship now will ensure you and your spouse grow stronger, closer, and more together as time passes. Be an oak, not a Bradford Pear.

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God's Love Language

“Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary emotional love language,” says Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages. 

“We tend to speak our primary love language, and we become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating. We are expressing our love, but the message does not come through because we are speaking what, to them, is a foreign language.”

I find Dr. Chapman’s observations to be true in my marriage. I cook my husband’s meals, wash his clothes, and clean his house. Because I am a doer who likes to check off boxes and accomplish things, I prefer to demonstrate my love by doing. I speak the language of hard work, self-sacrifice, and get ‘er done.

Trouble is, I’m like the cashier talking to the immigrant in the grocery store line ahead of me. She thinks volume will make up for her lack of Spanish language skills. The louder she speaks, the more confused and frustrated her brown-skinned customer becomes.

“No comprende.”

No comprende indeed. In my husband’s native tongue, love doesn’t look like clean clothes and 3-course meals. It looks like lingering kisses, lazy evenings, and back scratches. His dialect says Slow down. Linger long. Stay a while.

And so, like my grocery store friends, we wave our arms, gesture wildly, and leave frustrated. We love each other, but our love language barrier often pushes us apart rather than draws us together.

My relationship with God sometimes struggles with a similar love language barrier.

I say, “I can do it myself.”

God says, “Come unto me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

I say, “If I just give enough, do enough, be enough . . .”

He says, “For by grace you have been saved, through faith, not of yourself, it is a gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast.”

I say, “If I can just get all my questions answered.”

He says, “Unless you have the faith of a child, you cannot see the kingdom of God.”

I say, “I can do it myself.”

He says, “No man can come to the Father except by me.”

I say, “Show me.”

He says, “Trust me.”

And I wave my arms, gesture wildly, and leave frustrated. I yearn for a relationship with the Lover of my soul, but I try to bypass the bilingual Translator.

Thankfully, God’s love language speaks across millennia if I have ears to hear it:

For whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved. (Acts 2:21)

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved. (Acts 4:12)

I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. (John 11:25)

Do you believe this?

If you’ve been trying unsuccessfully to connect with God by speaking your own language, why not try his? 

Commit to read the Bible, his love letter to you, every day. Talk to him in prayer. Watch as he reveals himself to you. Then you will begin to understand what it means to have a love relationship with the God of the universe. And it will be amazing.

What have you got to lose?




You want to connect with God, but in the craziness of life, it’s just not happening. You want practical, biblical answers to situations you face every day, but you don’t have hours to pore over Scripture.

You need a resource that answers the questions you’re afraid to ask out loud. Questions like:

• Is my situation hopeless?
• If God already knows what he’s going to do, why bother to pray? 
• Why have you allowed this to happen to me? 
• No one appreciates what I do. Why shouldn’t I quit? 

Each devotion begins with a Facetime question and ends with a biblical answer wrapped in a modern day parable. Like a spiritual power bar, Hungry for God … Starving for Time is packed with enough scriptural nutrition to get you through the day. Wherever you are—in break rooms, carpool lines, or wherever you can snatch five minutes of quiet reflection—Hungry for God … Starving for Time, 5-Minute Devotions for Busy Women is for you.

If you enjoyed this post, why not subscribe? I'll send you twice-weekly 5-minute devotions to help nourish your soul. 
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Are You Roommates or Lovers?

My husband and I struggled for years to have a consistent quiet time together. Every marriage book we read said we should read the Bible and pray together if we wanted to have a godly, successful marriage. So every Christmas I'd buy a new couples devotional, and we'd make a commitment to read it daily.

And we would. For about 3 days. 

Then one day we'd forget, or get busy. Before we knew it, it was bedtime, and we hadn't cracked the cover. And then a week would go by, and before long, the commitment to have a daily quiet time together would fall by the wayside once again.

Until I decided to do something drastic.

We were in the tenth year of our marriage, with 5- and 2-year old daughters,  and we were in trouble. We weren't arguing, fighting, or disagreeing. In fact, we were united in mind and purpose over the direction of our work, home, and family. We had just begun homeschooling our eldest, I was working very minimally outside the home, and we were engaged in ministry at our church.

Freedigitalphotos.net

But the spark was gone from our marriage.

We were living more like roommates than lovers. We were planets orbiting the same sun, yet seldom intersecting. We were busy living out our callings, content to come together for exchanges that were more like business meetings than family meetings.

We seldom thought of each other during the day, and when we tried to make conversation, we struggled to find something to talk about. We were emotionally distant, and our marriage was starving.

Is this all there is? we wondered. Maybe this is just the way it is after 10  years of marriage. . .  

That's when I decided to shake things up.

I instinctively knew that the key to reviving our marriage was somehow connected with us spending time together in God's word and prayer. But finding the right time, a time when we were most likely to be consistent, had thus far eluded us. Our good intentions were consistently shipwrecked on the rocks of reality.

I knew the key was finding a time when there would be few distractions. And a time when it would be as easy as possible for my husband to participate.


On a typical workday, my husband would rise early from sleep and begin his day. He'd shower, pack the lunch I'd made for him the night before, and leave for work. After years of rising at all hours of the night with babies, I'd sleep in as long as I could before one of the girls awakened.

Well, our girls were no longer infants, and the time of frequent night awakenings had passed. There was no excuse for sleeping in except that I enjoyed it. Not a bad thing, in light of the physical demands of 24-hour motherhood, but it was now a luxury, not a necessity.

 "Honey," I said,  "if I get up with you in the morning and fix you breakfast (I knew this would be a draw, what husband wouldn't accept the offer of breakfast?), do you think it would be OK if I read from one of our couples devotionals while you ate? And then when you're done, maybe you can share one thing I can pray for you about during the day, and I can do the same?"

He agreed.

Five o'clock came awfully early that next morning, but I was determined to do everything in my power to make this attempt succeed. I don't remember what I fixed for breakfast. Perhaps I just poured cereal in a bowl and set out a banana, but as he ate, I read. I was careful to choose a devotional with brief selections. When I finished, I asked him how I could pray for him that day. He did the same. 

After a week or so of consistently implementing this new plan, a strange thing began to happen. First, instead of just reading the devotions, we began to talk about them. We'd share ideas, ruminate on the topic during the day, and sometimes pick up the conversation when he got home. 

Additionally, as I prayed several times a day for the request he'd shared that morning, I'd find my heart strangely warmed. My commitment to pray for his request, even those that were seemingly mundane, kept drawing my thoughts back to my husband during the day. Instead of "out of sight, out of mind," as I prayed for him, I began to feel warm feelings for him. Prayer was linking our hearts together.

And when he returned home in the evening, I had something to talk about with him. "How did that meeting go with Paul," I'd ask. "I prayed about it several times today." 

"It went really well, " he'd say, and proceed to tell me about it. By praying together, we were investing in each others' day and sharing our worlds.

Reading and praying together wasn't a magic bullet that revived our marriage, but it was a step in the right direction. It required sacrifice and commitment, but the payoff has been worth it. Eighteen years later, we still consistently meet together in the early mornings to read and pray. This practice seldom takes more than 5 minutes, but it is the key that has helped our marriage survive some very difficult challenges. 

If your marriage is struggling, or if it's healthy, but needs an extra boost, prayerfully consider what  you can do to draw nearer to God and each other. What are you willing to sacrifice to make that happen? Theologian Andrew Murray proposed that it is better to be sleep deprived than God deprived.

And join the conversation. Post a comment below and share a tip that's helped you draw near to God and your husband. May God richly bless you as you seek to honor Him!

Some of our favorite devotionals:
Night Light by James and Shirley Dobson 
Moments Together for Intimacy by Dennis and Barbara Rainey
A Godward Life by John Piper
My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
Love Languages Devotional Bible by Gary Chapman 



If you enjoyed this devotion, may I tell you about my new book, Hungry for God … Starving for Time, 5-Minute Devotions for Busy Women?

 Today's women want to connect with God, but in the craziness of life, it’s just not happening. You want practical, biblical answers to situations you face every day, but you don’t have hours to pore over Scripture.

You need a resource that answers the questions you’re afraid to ask out loud. Questions like:

• Is my situation hopeless?
• If God already knows what he’s going to do, why bother to pray? 
• Why have you allowed this to happen to me? 
• No one appreciates what I do. Why shouldn’t I quit? 

Each devotion begins with a Facetime question and ends with a biblical answer wrapped in a modern day parable. Like a spiritual power bar, Hungry for God … Starving for Time is packed with enough scriptural nutrition to get you through the day. Wherever you are—in break rooms, carpool lines, or wherever you can snatch five minutes of quiet reflection—Hungry for God … Starving for Time, 5-Minute Devotions for Busy Women is for you. 

 

If you enjoyed this post, why not subscribe? I'll send you twice-weekly 5-minute devotions to help nourish your soul. 
Because women need to connect with God in the craziness of life. 

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Hungry for God is on Facebook! Will you take a moment and LIKE my page? CLICK HERE to help HFG share 5-minute devotions.
 

 

 

Is Your Marriage Dying of Boredom?

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

                                                                   ~Robert Frost

When a marriage receives a death-blow from infidelity, it's often sudden and explosive, leaving shrapnel and carnage in its wake. The books written on the subject could line the walls of the most expansive library, and marriage conferences devote whole sessions to the topic. And while no marriage is immune to the threat of infidelity, I'd like to propose that there is an equal threat to a "good" marriage. 

It's called boredom.

You know the scenario; it's played out in homes all over America. A couple has been married for 15, 20, 30 years, have raised or are raising several children, and one or both work outside the home. They share the same values, agree on all the major decisions, and seldom argue about anything significant. They love each other and the life they share, but sometimes the daily routine is just, well, boring.

It's missing something. Like soda without fizz, ice cream without a cherry, and an orchestra without a drum, the substance is there, but the pizazz is gone. Is it enough to destroy a marriage? Probably not, but by the same token, it's a pale substitute for a dynamic, exciting, and fun relationship. In its ugliest garb, boredom can undermine a marriage and make it vulnerable to temptation.

I walked into my bathroom early this morning after my husband had left for work and glanced at the mirror. I did a double take, not because of what I saw in the mirror (good or bad), but because of what I saw on the mirror. With a dry erase marker, he had written a note. It said:

I LOVE LORI

Best Wifey Ever

And he had signed it with his signature goatee man 8{D>   .

It was a simple, spontaneous act of love that started my day off with a smile that I have carried with me for the rest of the day. It also reminded me how often I get busy, preoccupied, and sometimes downright lazy toward one of the most precious relationships I have--my marriage. If you struggle, as I do, with keeping the oomph in your marriage, consider a few suggestions, or share a few of your own in the comment box.

Whatever you do, do something to sprinkle a little fire on the smoldering embers of your love life.

5 Suggestions to Add a Spark to Your Marriage

1. Burn the sweatpants and t-shirt you normally sleep in. If you wouldn't even wear it to a sleep over with the girls, you sure shouldn't wear it to bed with your husband. Think lace. And less is more. (For your husband, not your girlfriends.)

 

2. Do something different. If you always eat at the same restaurant, go somewhere completely different. My husband and I invited another couple to join us at an Indian restaurant we knew nothing about. Not normally adventurous with our food, we took a risk for the sake of excitement. We found that we liked some dishes, didn't care for others, and made a memory in the process. We still laugh about how the owner of the restaurant visited our table after the meal and rubbed David's belly as he inquired if he was full yet.

3. Revisit one of your favorite activities from your dating years. Maybe you used to share a milkshake at Rush's and daydream about trips to far away lands. Perhaps you loved to bowl, bike, antique shop, or read books aloud together. If you liked it then, chances are good that you'd like it now. Give it a try and bring back memories.

4. Intentionally look for an article or new report about something in which your husband is interested. Take surreptitious notes and ask his opinion about it later. Then actually listen to what he says. You might learn something!

5.  Do something mushy in public. Give him a big kiss, comment on his muscles, or tell someone how handsome you think he is. My friend Dawn's husband travels often. When he's gone, she posts a romantic song on Facebook for him. Last month the tables were turned, and it was she who was away. He returned the sweet gesture and posted a song for her, right there for all the world to see. It was definitely an "Awwwww" moment.

I hope these ideas have gotten your own creative juices flowing. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive, but sweet, spontaneous, romantic gestures will go a long way toward keeping your marriage from dying a slow, painful, boring death.

I'd love for you to join in the conversation. What do you do to keep your marriage exciting? Leave a comment below so we can share! 

If you enjoyed this devotion, may I tell you about my new book, Hungry for God … Starving for Time, 5-Minute Devotions for Busy Women?

 Today's women want to connect with God, but in the craziness of life, it’s just not happening. You want practical, biblical answers to situations you face every day, but you don’t have hours to pore over Scripture.

You need a resource that answers the questions you’re afraid to ask out loud. Questions like:

• Is my situation hopeless?
• If God already knows what he’s going to do, why bother to pray? 
• Why have you allowed this to happen to me? 
• No one appreciates what I do. Why shouldn’t I quit? 

Each devotion begins with a Facetime question and ends with a biblical answer wrapped in a modern day parable. Like a spiritual power bar, Hungry for God … Starving for Time is packed with enough scriptural nutrition to get you through the day. Wherever you are—in break rooms, carpool lines, or wherever you can snatch five minutes of quiet reflection—Hungry for God … Starving for Time, 5-Minute Devotions for Busy Women is for you. 

 

If you enjoyed this post, why not subscribe? I'll send you twice-weekly 5-minute devotions to help nourish your soul. 
Because women need to connect with God in the craziness of life. 

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Hungry for God is on Facebook! Will you take a moment and LIKE my page? CLICK HERE to help HFG share 5-minute devotions.
 

 

 

Why He Wears Two Wedding Rings and SC's 150 Day No Fault Divorce

South Carolina representative Walt McLeod recently introduced an amendment to the state constitution that would change the existing law that requires couples seeking a divorce to remain separated for one year. Under the proposed legislation, couples can dissolve their marriage after 150 days of separation.

There are more than a few pieces of legislation that have made me angry, frustrated, or disappointed, but this one just makes me sad. While I know there are some legitimate reasons for a marriage to end, I believe most marriages are worth working for and defending.

My husband David and I witnessed two beautiful examples of marital commitment on our recent anniversary trip. Our brother in Christ, Reno, and his wife are German believers. When we found out they knew the Lord, one of the first questions we asked was, "How did you come to know the Lord?"

"Our marriage was in trouble," Reno shared, while his wife, Rose, nodded in solemn agreement. "We didn't want to divorce, but knew we needed help. So we went to the church." Thankfully, "the church" was a congregation of dynamic believers who not only shared with Reno and Rose how God could heal their marriage, but how God could also heal their souls.

Danny was the second example. Our server on the last night of our cruise, Danny was a small, dark-skinned man with a big grin. A Peruvian, he entertained us with card tricks while keeping our tea cups and dessert plates filled. When the conversation took a more personal turn, I asked him if he was married.

"Twice!" he exclaimed to my surprise, holding up his left hand to show us two wedding rings.

At my puzzled look, he finished his sentence, ". . . to the same woman!"

He explained that in his country, many couples enter into marriage through a civil ceremony.

"But those marriages can be ended for any reason at all," he explained, pointing to the first wedding ring. "We wanted to make a permanent commitment," he went on, pointing to the second ring, "so we also got married in the church.  Before God."

Before God.

For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. In poverty or wealth. 'Til death do us part.

So help me God.

 

If you made a vow before God that has begun to lose its luster, accept by faith that a marriage worth having is a marriage worth fighting for.
 
Working for.

Praying over.

Recommitting to God.

Is getting married easy? Yes.
Is staying married easy? No.

Is it worth the effort? Absolutely.

Claim by faith the promise that "nothing is too hard for God," and invite Him into the process.

You may be able to get a divorce in South Carolina in 150 days, but what if, instead, you committed, in those 150 days, to do everything you could to restore your marriage? Like Reno and Rose, you could wind up with a testimony of healing that impacts people half way around the world.

Take God at His word.

I dare you.






Some of my favorite marriage resources are:

• Fireproof, the Movie
• The Love Dare by Stephen Kendrick
• His Needs/Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
  
• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
• The Marriage You've Always Wanted by Gary Chapman

If you enjoyed this post, you might enjoy these other marriage posts: 

Is Your Marriage Dying of Boredom?  
5 Ways to Fireproof Your Marriage 
Husbands, Holiness, and a Painted Turtle

You want to connect with God, but in the craziness of life, it’s just not happening. You want practical, biblical answers to situations you face every day, but you don’t have hours to pore over Scripture.

You need a resource that answers the questions you’re afraid to ask out loud. Questions like:

• Is my situation hopeless?
• If God already knows what he’s going to do, why bother to pray? 
• Why have you allowed this to happen to me? 
• No one appreciates what I do. Why shouldn’t I quit? 

Each devotion begins with a Facetime question and ends with a biblical answer wrapped in a modern day parable. Like a spiritual power bar, Hungry for God … Starving for Time is packed with enough scriptural nutrition to get you through the day. Wherever you are—in break rooms, carpool lines, or wherever you can snatch five minutes of quiet reflection—Hungry for God … Starving for Time, 5-Minute Devotions for Busy Women is for you.

If you enjoyed this post, why not subscribe? I'll send you twice-weekly 5-minute devotions to help nourish your soul. 
Because women need to connect with God in the craziness of life. 

Enter your email address and VALIDATE the Feedburner email sent to your inbox.



Delivered by FeedBurner

Hungry for God is on Facebook! Will you take a moment and LIKE my page? CLICK HERE to help HFG share 5-minute devotions.
 

 

 

Husbands, Holiness, and a Painted Turtle -- Fourth the Series of Cruise Devotions

I should have known there was more going on than mere bartering.

My husband and I were on the beach in Nassau, Bahamas. All day long we had bartered with the locals. "Don't pay full price for anything," the cruise director had coached us that morning before we left the ship. Since it had taken us nine months and a temporary job cleaning a dental office to save for the cruise itself, we weren't about to misspend the small amount of discretionary income we had brought with us.

We had bargained for a cab ride to the beach, negotiated a better price for our lounge chairs, and had even tried unsuccessfully to buy two bottles of cold water for the price of one. We said no to at least twenty different locals walking the beach trying to sell us hair braiding, key chains, jet ski rides, and fancy drinks in coconut shells. That's why I was mystified at my husband's lengthy exchange with Sam, a thin, dark-skinned young man of about 20.

He was selling painted turtles made from coconut shells. "Please sir," he said, "my mother makes these, and we're trying to raise money to buy a bus for our school."

"What do you think?" my husband asked me.

What I thought was Seven dollars for a painted coconut shell? What in the world would I do with it? I'd rather have that bottle of water I just said "no" to. And there probably is no school bus fund. This guy's playing on your sympathy. He sees "Sucker" written all over your face.

What I said was, "It's up to you, honey."


Since I hadn't said "no," the young man shared a few more details about the bus fund and his mother, and eventually walked away with seven of our hard-earned dollars in his pocket.

As my husband presented the turtle to me with a flourish and a slight bow for dramatic effect, I realized he was giving me a lesson that was worth much more than seven dollars.

Throughout my husband's conversation with Sam, all I saw was the value of the turtle in comparison with the value of our money. David saw the value of Sam.

Whether Sam's mother had painted the turtle or he bought it from a "Cheap Souvenirs for Dumb Americans" catalog, whether there was a school bus fund or Sam was going to pocket the money didn't really matter to David. God touched his heart and prompted him to give to Sam. The turtle was incidental. 

Scripture tells us to "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you" (Luke 6:38).

My husband's generous heart toward Sam stood in stark contrast to my own self-centered one. He was a powerful example of how God often calls us to look beyond the surface and into someone's heart. It made me wonder how many other people I walk past without ever stopping to consider whether God might want to use me in their lives.

Every morning I pray the words of Ephesians 5:25-26 for my husband. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy." I realized my prayer had been answered that day on the beach. God had used David to bring me one step closer to holiness through his powerful example of kind-hearted generosity.

And I have a lovely painted turtle to remind me of the lesson I learned that day on the beach.

You want to connect with God, but in the craziness of life, it’s just not happening. You want practical, biblical answers to situations you face every day, but you don’t have hours to pore over Scripture.

You need a resource that answers the questions you’re afraid to ask out loud. Questions like:

• Is my situation hopeless?
• If God already knows what he’s going to do, why bother to pray? 
• Why have you allowed this to happen to me? 
• No one appreciates what I do. Why shouldn’t I quit? 

Each devotion begins with a Facetime question and ends with a biblical answer wrapped in a modern day parable. Like a spiritual power bar, Hungry for God … Starving for Time is packed with enough scriptural nutrition to get you through the day. Wherever you are—in break rooms, carpool lines, or wherever you can snatch five minutes of quiet reflection—Hungry for God … Starving for Time, 5-Minute Devotions for Busy Women is for you.

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Does Your Marriage Have What It Takes to Go the Distance? A Tribute to Mom, Dad, & 51 Years

My parents -- Robert and Lillian Slice
Still dancing after 51 years!

Fifty years seems like a long time, until I think about the fact that it’s only a few years longer than I have been alive, and then it doesn’t seem like very long at all.  But to be married to someone for 51 years, now that’s a long time.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for staying married.  By staying married for half a century you demonstrated that when two people say “I Do,” it is for keeps, and that when you love someone, you never hedge your bets, keep your options open, or have a Plan B.  You put all your money on the table, all your chips in the pot, and all your eggs in one basket.

By staying married for 51 years, you have demonstrated that love means commitment, even when the hard times come – especially when the hard times come. I've seen your marriage weather sickness, financial hardship, emotional struggles, parenting and grandparenting challenges, sorrow, disappointment, and even death.  

Staying married meant that some days you loved her (or him) better than you loved yourself, because loving yourself might have meant leaving instead of staying.

Staying married meant that some days you loved your children more than you loved yourselves. I thank God I never had to live in two homes, sleep in two beds, or have two sets of parents. Frankly, I like the original pair.

Most of all, by staying married for 51 years, you demonstrated to us that when you promised before God and your families and friends that you would love, honor, and cherish each other as long as you both would live, ‘til death should part you, you meant it.  You gave your word, and you've kept it.  At least, so far so good . . .   
When I grow up, I want to be just like you.

Robert & Lillian Slice 

October 12, 1961 - October 12, 2012

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4 Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage

I took one bite of the apple crisp and realized that something was terribly wrong.

My guests knew it too.

We had friends over for dinner, and because the meal I'd planned was very simple, I wanted the dessert to be something special.

Since it was fall, and cooler temperatures had finally come to South Carolina, I chose to bake an apple crisp.  From scratch.  Peeled the apples and everything.  In addition, I had vanilla ice cream to crown this luscious, home baked masterpiece. For the final touch, I had cute ramekins in which to serve it.

I had taken time and effort to make this dessert special.  That's why I was so puzzled when my initial mouthful was disappointing.  Not bad tasting really, just, well . . . blah.

Mentally I scrolled through the recipe:

apples? check.
Oats? check.
Butter? check. 
Cinnamon?

Cinnamon?

Oh no! Cinnamon was the last ingredient on the list, and in my rush to put it into the oven, I had forgotten to sprinkle on the cinnamon. No wonder my apple crisp fell flat.  There was no spice!

All that time and effort.  All those wholesome ingredients.  All that lovely presentation, and one missing ingredient sabotaged it all. . . . .

I wonder if our marriages are sometimes like my apple crisp?

Wholesome and substantial. The product of time and effort. Attractive.

And blah.

If you're like me, you're a creature of habit. Routines are comfortable and often effective. But routines can be dull and boring, too. Dull and boring in a marriage can be dangerous. At the very least, it can be, well, blah. Who wants a blah marriage? Like my wholesome but tasteless apple crisp, it falls far short of its potential.

So what can we do to spice up our marriages?

1.  Do something different. Every morning, I pack my husband's lunch.Two sandwiches, two pieces of fruit, and a soda. Today I added a pack of his favorite sugarless gum and a note telling him one thing I appreciated about him. I also told how much I was looking forward to spending the evening with him. I think perhaps my note may help him look forward to coming home, because he knows that I am eager to see him.

What can you do to change up a routine interaction with your husband?

2. Change something about yourself. Do you always wear the same comfortable but uninspiring pajamas? Do you only wear perfume when you are going somewhere?  Think what might happen if we put on our perfume when we got home instead? Or if, instead of not wearing makeup "because we're just staying home" one Saturday, we took the other approach and said, "because I am staying home with my husband, I want to look attractive?" Switch up something with your husband in mind, and see if he notices.

What can you change about yourself that your husband will like?

3. Put the same effort into interacting with your husband as you do with your coworkers, business clients, and friends.  Pay attention to what your husband is interested in and use that as a conversational springboard. Listen to the news or read the paper with an ear for a story that might interest him, and then share it over dinner. Ask his opinion and listen to what he says in response.

What can you do to demonstrate that you are interested in your husband?

4.  Ask yourself:  Do I act more like my husband's girlfriend or my husband's mother? Your man does not want you to be his mother. He already has one. Mothers are wonderful, but they are not exciting or romantic. No one wants to be married to his mother.

When was the last time you flirted with your husband? If you don't, someone else might . . .  

Is your marriage, like my apple crisp, filled with good things but lacking spice?  Take some steps to correct that today.  The results will be well worth your effort.

If you'd like to share some of your ideas for putting a little spice in your marriage, leave a comment below so we can all benefit from your creativity.  Join the conversation! ( PG rated only, please :) 

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