4 Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage

I took one bite of the apple crisp and realized that something was terribly wrong.

My guests knew it too.

We had friends over for dinner, and because the meal I'd planned was very simple, I wanted the dessert to be something special.

Since it was fall, and cooler temperatures had finally come to South Carolina, I chose to bake an apple crisp.  From scratch.  Peeled the apples and everything.  In addition, I had vanilla ice cream to crown this luscious, home baked masterpiece. For the final touch, I had cute ramekins in which to serve it.

I had taken time and effort to make this dessert special.  That's why I was so puzzled when my initial mouthful was disappointing.  Not bad tasting really, just, well . . . blah.

Mentally I scrolled through the recipe:

apples? check.
Oats? check.
Butter? check. 


Oh no! Cinnamon was the last ingredient on the list, and in my rush to put it into the oven, I had forgotten to sprinkle on the cinnamon. No wonder my apple crisp fell flat.  There was no spice!

All that time and effort.  All those wholesome ingredients.  All that lovely presentation, and one missing ingredient sabotaged it all. . . . .

I wonder if our marriages are sometimes like my apple crisp?

Wholesome and substantial. The product of time and effort. Attractive.

And blah.

If you're like me, you're a creature of habit. Routines are comfortable and often effective. But routines can be dull and boring, too. Dull and boring in a marriage can be dangerous. At the very least, it can be, well, blah. Who wants a blah marriage? Like my wholesome but tasteless apple crisp, it falls far short of its potential.

So what can we do to spice up our marriages?

1.  Do something different. Every morning, I pack my husband's lunch.Two sandwiches, two pieces of fruit, and a soda. Today I added a pack of his favorite sugarless gum and a note telling him one thing I appreciated about him. I also told how much I was looking forward to spending the evening with him. I think perhaps my note may help him look forward to coming home, because he knows that I am eager to see him.

What can you do to change up a routine interaction with your husband?

2. Change something about yourself. Do you always wear the same comfortable but uninspiring pajamas? Do you only wear perfume when you are going somewhere?  Think what might happen if we put on our perfume when we got home instead? Or if, instead of not wearing makeup "because we're just staying home" one Saturday, we took the other approach and said, "because I am staying home with my husband, I want to look attractive?" Switch up something with your husband in mind, and see if he notices.

What can you change about yourself that your husband will like?

3. Put the same effort into interacting with your husband as you do with your coworkers, business clients, and friends.  Pay attention to what your husband is interested in and use that as a conversational springboard. Listen to the news or read the paper with an ear for a story that might interest him, and then share it over dinner. Ask his opinion and listen to what he says in response.

What can you do to demonstrate that you are interested in your husband?

4.  Ask yourself:  Do I act more like my husband's girlfriend or my husband's mother? Your man does not want you to be his mother. He already has one. Mothers are wonderful, but they are not exciting or romantic. No one wants to be married to his mother.

When was the last time you flirted with your husband? If you don't, someone else might . . .  

Is your marriage, like my apple crisp, filled with good things but lacking spice?  Take some steps to correct that today.  The results will be well worth your effort.

If you'd like to share some of your ideas for putting a little spice in your marriage, leave a comment below so we can all benefit from your creativity.  Join the conversation! ( PG rated only, please :) 

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  1. For one week I added a little treat to my husband's lunch along with a cheesy note to go with it. One day a pack of gum "I'm stuck on you", a pack of gummy bears "I can't bear to be apart from you", some hershey kisses "Your kisses are the sweetest", etc...

  2. These are great ideas! I think it's so sweet that you put little surprises in your husband's lunch. My sister in law packs my brother's lunch and every time she takes a little bite out of his sandwich to let him know it's made with love, lol!

    I like to buy little snack things that I know he'll like, or leave a cute little note on his laptop or something. We just don't want to be blah like you said and take our husbands for granted! And I LOVE to flirt with my hubby, lol!

    Thank you for linking up to "Making Your Home Sing Monday" today!

  3. Alison Wood4:03 AM

    Great ideas and awesome point about being the girlfriend or the mother. Enjoy your posts!
    Visiting from Pint-sized Treasures

  4. Ooo, I really like number 4, Lori. That's a trap I fall into often. Thanks for this reminder to "spice" things up with our mates. It's a challenge I will take to heart!

  5. I just wrote a post today with 10 ideas on how to liven up marriage! Maybe this will be helpful and encouraging:

    Also, I often find myself treating my husband like a child. NOT a good thing. We're our husband's best friend, his helper, his partner and his lover--not his mother!

  6. Sarah Coller12:01 AM

    Hee Hee...yeah, it's hard to switch from "mothering" mode to "wifing" mode...good thing my husband is a patient one! :) Thanks for linking up at my Homemaking Linkup. I've just posted the new one for this week and would love to have you join!


    Mrs. Sarah Coller