Is Your Marriage Dying of Boredom?

Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
                                                                   ~Robert Frost
When a marriage receives a death-blow from infidelity, it's often sudden and explosive, leaving shrapnel and carnage in its wake. The books written on the subject could line the walls of the most expansive library, and marriage conferences devote whole sessions to the topic. And while no marriage is immune to the threat of infidelity, I'd like to propose that there is an equal threat to a "good" marriage. 
It's called boredom.

You know the scenario; it's played out in homes all over America. A couple has been married for 15, 20, 30 years, have raised or are raising several children, and one or both work outside the home. They share the same values, agree on all the major decisions, and seldom argue about anything significant. They love each other and the life they share, but sometimes the daily routine is just, well, boring.

It's missing something. Like soda without fizz, ice cream without a cherry, and an orchestra without a drum, the substance is there, but the pizazz is gone. Is it enough to destroy a marriage? Probably not, but by the same token, it's a pale substitute for a dynamic, exciting, and fun relationship. In its ugliest garb, boredom can undermine a marriage and make it vulnerable to temptation.

I walked into my bathroom early this morning after my husband had left for work and glanced at the mirror. I did a double take, not because of what I saw in the mirror (good or bad), but because of what I saw on the mirror. With a dry erase marker, he had written a note. It said:

Best Wifey Ever
And he had signed it with his signature goatee man 8{D>   .

It was a simple, spontaneous act of love that started my day off with a smile that I have carried with me for the rest of the day. It also reminded me how often I get busy, preoccupied, and sometimes downright lazy toward one of the most precious relationships I have--my marriage. If you struggle, as I do, with keeping the oomph in your marriage, consider a few suggestions, or share a few of your own in the comment box.
Whatever you do, do something to sprinkle a little fire on the smoldering embers of your love life.
5 Suggestions to Add a Spark to Your Marriage
1. Burn the sweatpants and t-shirt you normally sleep in. If you wouldn't even wear it to a sleep over with the girls, you sure shouldn't wear it to bed with your husband. Think lace. And less is more. (For your husband, not your girlfriends.)
2. Do something different. If you always eat at the same restaurant, go somewhere completely different. My husband and I invited another couple to join us at an Indian restaurant we knew nothing about. Not normally adventurous with our food, we took a risk for the sake of excitement. We found that we liked some dishes, didn't care for others, and made a memory in the process. We still laugh about how the owner of the restaurant visited our table after the meal and rubbed David's belly as he inquired if he was full yet.
3. Revisit one of your favorite activities from your dating years. Maybe you used to share a milkshake at Rush's and daydream about trips to far away lands. Perhaps you loved to bowl, bike, antique shop, or read books aloud together. If you liked it then, chances are good that you'd like it now. Give it a try and bring back memories.
4. Intentionally look for an article or new report about something in which your husband is interested. Take surreptitious notes and ask his opinion about it later. Then actually listen to what he says. You might learn something!
5.  Do something mushy in public. Give him a big kiss, comment on his muscles, or tell someone how handsome you think he is. My friend Dawn's husband travels often. When he's gone, she posts a romantic song on Facebook for him. Last month the tables were turned, and it was she who was away. He returned the sweet gesture and posted a song for her, right there for all the world to see. It was definitely an "Awwwww" moment.

I hope these ideas have gotten your own creative juices flowing. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive, but sweet, spontaneous, romantic gestures will go a long way toward keeping your marriage from dying a slow, painful, boring death.

I'd love for you to join in the conversation. What do you do to keep your marriage exciting? Leave a comment below so we can share! 

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  1. What a fun sweet to hear about your husband's mirror note. My hubby is sweet like that as well...not sure how I managed to find such a good one. But I always need a reminder to do sweet things for him as well. For your question about things to make marriage exciting--I think every marriage needs to be reinvented during transitions--when they have children, when they have job changes, when they are empty nesters, when they are grandparents. We need to find out how our spouse is feeling and how he would like to live this period of life differently and we need to express our own thoughts about it and change things out as needed. Thanks for linking to B&BB, Lori. I'm praying you have a fun week with your spouse!

  2. Lori, I forgot I'd read this previously, but looking over it again, I'm wondering if this didn't subliminally prompt me to write the post I wrote this week on marriage (Little Big Things). There's several close similarities...but my "plagiarism" was unintentional. Gail : )