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Primarily a stay-at-home mom, and then later a homeschooling mother, I spent a lot of time with my children. This was good, because it gave me the opportunity to teach and train them, imparting valuable life skills as we moved through our days together. I had the privilege of modeling the behavior I hoped they would incorporate into their lives. “Values are more often caught than taught,” I’d heard, and I believed it.
I’d watch my eldest daughter reading to my toddler and think, she’s going to be such a great mom one day.
I’d catch the youngest girl encouraging her stuffed animal in a voice that sounded very much like mine. Shaking her pint-sized finger, she’d say, “You need to eat all the squash on your plate, Lillie Bear, so you can be strong and healthy.” These lessons are sinking in, I’d think.
And she nailed the accompanying tone of disgust and disrespect perfectly.
In a moment of Holy Spirit enlightenment, I realized that while my kind and gentle words were making an impression on my daughters, so also were the careless and destructive ones. “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down” (Proverbs 14:1).
Without intending to, I had been tearing down their father and undermining their respect for him. It was a frightening realization.
We seldom obey those we disrespect. We discard their teaching, ignore their examples, and defy their authority. Their instruction is meaningless and impotent. Without intending to, I had begun to sow seeds of disrespect and rebellion in my daughters’ lives by tearing down their father within their hearing.
That day marked a major turning point in our home.
From that day on, I made a concerted effort only to say those things that were edifying. I talked to them about how hard working and dedicated he was, and about how much he loved his family. I mentioned the choices he made that they wouldn’t have otherwise noticed—how he would rather be home with us than out on the golf course, or how he drove the old car without air conditioning so we could drive the comfortable, newer one. I expressed my thankfulness within their hearing that he cared more about his wife staying home to raise his daughters than work to have a bigger house and expensive vacations.
That day years ago, I witnessed how my words had the power to build up and the power to tear down. With God’s help, I wanted to build my home on the foundation of the love and respect I have for my husband.
How about you? Do you struggle with your words? Have you, intentionally or unintentionally, torn down your husband in the presence of your children? If you have, it’s never too late to change.
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1. Confess and repent. Agree with God that you have sinned against him by disrespecting your husband. Ask him to forgive and change you. God always answers this prayer (1 John 1:9).
2. Confess to your husband first, and then to your children. Tell them how God has convicted your heart and that you desire to change. Ask them to forgive and hold you accountable.
3. Pray every day, inviting God to make the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart acceptable in his sight (Psalm 19:14).
4. Replace critical thoughts with thankful ones. Instead of thinking, “He’s so sloppy; he always drops his shoes in the doorway when he gets home from work,” think instead, “I’m so thankful I have a husband who works hard every day. And I’m thankful he comes home to us each evening.” As we learn to think rightly, we’ll also learn to speak rightly.
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What are your thoughts? How have you learned to build up your husband? Leave a comment below and join the conversation. If you’re reading by email, click here to comment.
If you enjoyed this post, you might like "How Much Would Someone Pay for Your Words?"
or "You is Kind. You is Smart. You is Important."
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