Hungry for God: Guilt

Showing posts with label Guilt. Show all posts

Monday

When Guilt Overwhelms You

King David’s pride and presumption in ordering a census of Israel caused 70,000 mighty warriors to lose their lives (1 Chr. 21). Paul’s violent persecution of the infant church played a part in Stephen’s death and countless others’ beatings and incarcerations (Acts 9).

I read both stories recently and wept as I imagined how these men must have felt. I imagined David’s overwhelming feelings of sorrow and guilt. SEVENTY THOUSAND innocent people’s blood on his hands. By today’s standards, a tragedy of this magnitude would wipe out every person in a city the size of Richmond, Virginia.

Listen to David’s gut wrenching lament:

"Was it not I who ordered the fighting men to be counted? I am the one who has sinned and done wrong. These are but sheep. What have they done? O LORD my God, let your hand fall upon me and my family, but do not let this plague remain on your people."

And Saul. He wasn't jailing murderers or incarcerating thieves or political prisoners, he was persecuting God’s people. People whose only crime was loving Jesus. People who were praying for those who persecuted them.

Picture him, consenting to brave Stephen’s death and holding the clothing of the murderers and watching as the stones struck his body until he cried out, “Father, do not lay this sin to their account.” Watching Stephen take his last struggling breath.

Then, while the blood was still wet on his hands, he “was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord's disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem” (Acts 9:1).

Throughout Paul’s writings we see evidence that he never forgot his sinful past:

“I persecuted the followers of this Way to their death, arresting both men and women and throwing them into prison” (Acts 22:4).

“For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God” (1 Cor. 15:9).

“For you have heard of my previous way of life in Judaism, how intensely I persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it” (Gal. 1:13).

Yet David, a believer who sinned horribly, and Paul, an unbeliever with a heinous past, didn’t allowed their sins to define, defeat, or render them useless for the kingdom of God. They understood the truth of 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sin, (God) is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

They confessed, repented, and accepted God’s cleansing grace.

Listen to David’s prayer in Psalm 51:1-2:

“Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin."

And Paul’s humble gratitude in 1 Corinthians 15:10:

“For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle . . . But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.”

If you’re struggling with guilt over something you did as an unbeliever, or a sin you’ve committed as a Christian, don’t allow Satan to imprison you in guilt and shame. Do what David and Paul did—confess your sin, forsake it, and accept the forgiveness Christ extends to you from the cross.

Then walk in the confidence that God has separated your sins as far as the east is from the west, to remember them no more.

Mercy there was great and grace was free.
Pardon there was multiplied to me.
There my burdened soul found liberty
At Calvary.*

*William Newell’s hymn, “At Calvary.”

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Thursday

I was a thief.

photo credit

I was a thief.

We all have a checkered past, and this is part of mine. It was not a crime of opportunity. Oh no. It was premeditated and carefully orchestrated. Flawlessly, I might add.

If I hadn’t confessed, no one would have ever known.

Like many of my 5th grade friends, I was a regular customer at the pharmacy that stood between school and home. Some days we’d stop for a candy bar or a bag of chips, but my purchase always included a handful of Bazooka bubble gum. At two cents each, they were a bargain in any economy.

As I dropped my school bag on the floor beside the counter, I squatted to reach into the bin of bubble gum. In my crouched position, I was completely hidden from the cashier’s view. I realized I could easily stuff a handful of bubble gum in my bag and never be seen. I passed on the opportunity, paid for my candy, and left, but the idea remained.

I returned the next day to do the deed.

By this point in my narrative, you’re probably thinking, “If this is the biggest sin she’s got on her conscience, she needs to get a life .” Sadly, this isn’t the biggest sin I’ve committed, but I’m sharing it today to make a point.

I became a Christian eight years after this experience. When I surrendered my life to Christ and began to study my Bible, an interesting thing happened. I began to remember the sins I had committed in my “before Christ” life. Stealing the bubble gum was one of many.

Burdened with guilt, shame, and regret, I sought counsel from a wise friend. She shared 1 John 1:9, which taught me, “If we confess our sins, he (Jesus) is faithful and just to forgive our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” She taught me to daily confess my sins to God, forsake them, and ask God to help me not repeat them. “If your sin has hurt another person,” she said, “ask their forgiveness too, and do whatever you can to make it right.”

“But what about the sins I committed long ago?” I asked her.

“God forgives those, too,” she said kindly.

One day after I asked God to reveal any sin in my life, he reminded me of the Bazooka bubble gum heist. I confessed my theft and asked God to forgive and cleanse me. I thought that should have settled it, but oh, no, God had other ideas.

“You should confess your sin to the pharmacy manager, too,” he said, “and ask him to forgive you. Tell him you’re a Christian now, and as best you know how, you’re trying to live in a way that honors God. Then make restitution for the gum you stole.”

“But God,” I said, “That pharmacy is 1,000 miles away. I don’t even LIVE there anymore!”

“Then write a letter.”

“That’s silly, Lord,” I said, “what is that man going to think when he reads a letter from a woman who lives 1,000 miles away and stole six pieces of chewing gum 10 years ago?”

“It doesn’t matter what he thinks,” God whispered to my heart, “what matters is what I think.”

Someone once said that being nagged is like being nibbled to death by a duck. Well, the Holy Spirit nagged me until I finally surrendered.

I wrote the letter and confessed my crime.

I also shared the story of my conversion and how I had confessed my thieving ways to God and received forgiveness. “Now,” I wrote humbly, “I’d like to ask you to forgive me too. I’m enclosing a dollar (adjusted for inflation) to make restitution for the gum I stole.” I enclosed a tract that shared the gospel.

And I signed my name.

God’s never nibbled me over this sin again.

I was forgiven and free.

I’ve followed these steps many times over the years. They apply to big sins, like driving a friend to an abortion clinic when I was a teenager, and “small” sins like disrespecting my parents and being lazy. Sometimes my confession and request for forgiveness is kindly received; other times it’s been difficult. Each time, I ask God for courage to do what he’s calling me to do.

What sin(s) from your past do you still struggle with? Have you ever called them by name, confessed and forsaken them, and allowed God to cleanse you? If you’ve sinned against another person, do you need to ask their forgiveness and make restitution if necessary? One of the greatest testimonies of God’s redeeming work in the world is a transformed life.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (1 Corinthians 5:17).

Hiding in the Closet with Adam and Eve

I was hiding in the closet behind the coats, crouching down to make myself as small as possible. I don't remember what the offense was, but I remember knowing that I deserved to be punished. I was 7 years old.

I didn't answer my father when he called my name, but I heard his footsteps getting closer and closer to my hiding place.

Oddly enough, although I was hiding from my dad who was likely to punish me, I didn't close the closet door all the way. Since we didn't use the coat closet often, a partially open door was the equivalent of a neon sign with an arrow saying, "Look here."

The truth of the matter was, I wanted to be found.

For although I was afraid of the punishment that was coming, I was also overwhelmed with guilt and shame. Even at my young age, I knew that punishment purged guilt, and that sin demanded a payment.

Adam and Eve hid in the coat closet too.

In their case, it wasn't a literal one. Genesis 3:8 says, "Then the man and the woman heard the sound of the Lord God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God." Adam later told God he hid because he was afraid.

Adam and Eve had sinned too, and like my 7-year old transgression, their sin demanded a payment.

God could have left them there, clothed in their willful disobedience, naked and ashamed. He also could have waited for them to come to him in confession and repentance, but he didn't.

He went looking for them.

And when he found them, he meted out the punishment they deserved, because all sin demands an accounting. But then our holy, perfect, sinless God stooped even lower as he peered between the branches to gaze into the eyes of his rebellious children. He saw their guilt, their shame, and their nakedness. He saw their pitiful attempts to cover themselves, and he was moved with compassion.

He drew them out into his love, killed an innocent lamb for their sin, and clothed them.

My daddy did that for me when he found me huddled on the floor of that coat closet. He listened to my blubbering confession, meted out the required punishment, and then he took me in his arms and clothed me in his forgiveness. My guilt was gone, and I was clean again.

If you're hiding in guilt and shame, you don't have to listen very hard to hear your Father's footsteps. He's looking for you. He's not content to let you stay naked in sin. He wants to restore you. Even though he's the One you've sinned against, he is searching for you.

Like for Adam and Eve in the garden, he has already slain the innocent lamb.

His name was Jesus.

God our Father holds out the robe of his love to cover you with, to pay the penalty for your sin, and to clothe you in his righteousness.

He's calling for you.

Will you respond?

"But God demonstrated His own love toward us in this, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

My Morning with a Felon

I was preparing to serve on jury duty, and the judge asked if anyone had a reason to be exempted from serving as a juror. There was the usual listing of "I have a newborn baby at home," and "I served nine months ago, do I have to serve again?" type reasons. As the list was winding down, a man stood up in the back of the room full of prospective jurors.

"Is there a reason why you can't serve on jury duty?" the judge asked as every person in the courtroom turned his way. Not quite meeting her eye, he answered her as everyone looked on.

"I am a felon."

This man appeared to be in his late forties. Neat and clean shaven, I would not have picked him out of the lineup if someone had asked me to choose the man who was a felon. I wondered how long ago he had committed the crime that he was forced to acknowledge that day.

Although he didn't seem disappointed when he was later excused from service, I wondered how many other places he had been excluded from because of his felony conviction. Jobs? Relationships? Volunteer opportunities?

I wondered if he had realized, however many years ago when he was choosing to commit his crime, that his poor decision would dog his steps for the rest of his life?

"Felon."

Then I thought about the righteous Judge of the universe, God Himself, before whom we all will give an account. (Romans 14:12)

And I thought about the verdict that is rightfully mine.
And yours --

Guilty.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

Felon.

I thought too, about the precious forgiveness that God grants us when we humbly confess and forsake our sin. (1 John 1:9)

How he removes our sin "as far as the east is from the west to remember (it) no more." (Psalm 103:12)

How we no longer need to be characterized by our past. (1 Corinthians 5 17)

And how Christ has made us free indeed. (John 8:36)

Unlike the man in the courthouse that day, we are no longer limited by our past.

We are forgiven.

We are free.

We can walk out of the courthouse of condemnation into a whole new world of possibilities. Just because we were formerly characterized by anger, or dishonesty, or foul language, or gossip, fear, or lust, or laziness, or bitterness, we do not have to live that way any more. When we submit ourselves to the God who is powerful enough to save us, we also submit ourselves to the God who is powerful enough to sanctify us. He is able to make us more and more like Christ as we walk each day in the new life he offers.

So much of our victory begins in our minds and with what mental label we characterize ourselves.

Ask yourself today, "Do I live in the shadow of what I used to be, or do I live in light of what Christ can empower me to be?

Are you a felon?

Or are you forgiven and free?

I pray that we will all live our lives as children of God and heirs of the kingdom of light.

Wednesday

The Guerrilla of Guilt

–noun

According to Wikipedia, "Guerrilla warfare is a form of irregular warfare and refers to conflicts in which a small group of combatants including, but not limited to, armed civilians (or "irregulars") use military tactics, such as ambushes, sabotage, raids, the element of surprise, and extraordinary mobility to harass a larger and less-mobile traditional army, or strike a vulnerable target, and withdraw almost immediately."(1)

GUILT IS GUERRILLA WARFARE TO THE CHRISTIAN

Listen to the tactics that guilt uses on us:

Ambushes and the Element of Surprise - When was the last time guilt snuck up behind you and hit you over the head when you least expected it?

Sabotage - How often has guilt over a past failure sabotaged a current relationship?

Raids - Raids are for the purpose of stealing something -- What has guilt stolen from you? Joy? Peace? Self-confidence?

Extraordinary Mobility - Guilt can travel anywhere you can go. Sometimes it even arrives before you do. It can hide in your pocket. Or in your mind. Or in your soul.

What is its purpose?

"to harass a larger and less-mobile traditional army, or strike a vulnerable target, and withdraw almost immediately."

Guilt doesn't kill us, but it strikes us when we are vulnerable and then slithers away, leaving the black sludge of regret and defeat clinging to our souls. Guilt can paralyze us and keep us from fulfilling God's purposes in our lives. Guilt can taint everything we do, stealing our joy and confidence.

Joseph's brothers were dogged by the hound of guilt. Whenever anything bad came into their lives, their minds immediately went back to the sin they had committed against their brother, and they stood condemned in their own minds. "Then they said to one another, 'We are truly guilty concerning our brother. . . '" (Gen. 42:21)

When Herod the Tetrarch heard the stories about Jesus, his own guilt over beheading John the Baptizer immediately overtook him, and he cried out, "This is John the Baptist; he is risen from the dead!" (Mat. 14:2)

So what place does guilt have in the life of the Christian?

With the truths of scripture to support me, I can confidently say that guilt is a guerrilla tactic of the enemy of our souls, and not from God. The Holy Spirit of God will convict us of sin, but He will never, Ever, EVER drape the mantle of guilt across our shoulders and expect us to wear it.

If you have confessed and forsaken your sin and accepted the forgiveness that the Christ of Calvary offers to all mankind freely, then as you have been forgiven, so your sins are remembered no more. "He has removed our sins as far away as the East is from the West to remember them no more."Psalm 103:12)

"There is therefore now NO condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." (Romans 8:1)

"The purpose of the voice of condemnation is to push you away from His presence -- that which is the very source of your victory. The purpose of the voice of conviction is to press you into the face of Christ."

Bob Sorge, Secrets of the Secret Place (2)

The next time the guerrilla of guilt tries to sabotage your joy, ask yourself, "Have I confessed and forsaken this before the Lord?" If the answer is yes, rest in the promise of Isaiah 1:18 that tells us that "Though your sins be as scarlet," God's word says, "they shall be whiter than snow." and say with Spanky of the Little Rascals, "Get behind me Satan, and DON'T PUSH!"

(1)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guerrilla_warfare

(2)-Lee's Summit, MO: Oasis House, 2001, 57-58.

Hungry for God; Starving for Time

Monday

When Guilt Overwhelms You

Thursday

I was a thief.

Hiding in the Closet with Adam and Eve

My Morning with a Felon

Wednesday

The Guerrilla of Guilt

guer·ril·la warfare

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