When You Don't Want to Share God's Love -- A Confession

"But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’"  Jonah 2:9 

I didn’t know Ed Huntington’s name* until the day he murdered my uncle. Although all three of us lived in the same neighborhood, I’d never met my uncle’s next door neighbor. Until early one September morning. 

An ongoing squabble between the two men escalated. Ed ran into his house, grabbed his gun, kicked down my uncle’s front door, and shot him. Twice in the ankles. Twice in the knees. And once in the heart.  

And he never spent a night in jail. 

He hired a high-powered lawyer who mounted a self-defense case and convinced the jury Ed should be declared innocent of all charges. While Ed resumed his normal life, my family struggled to pick up the pieces of our own. 

We shampooed the blood from the carpet, but nothing could erase the horror from our minds.

Knowing my uncle was dead while his murderer walked free was more than I could bear. Bitterness and hate grew in my heart. Why had he received mercy when he deserved punishment? 

I often think of this dark period in my life when I read the book of Jonah, because Jonah and I were a lot alike. I hated Ed Huntington, and Jonah hated the Ninevites. Both with good cause. 

The Ninevites were Assyrians, long-standing enemies of Israel. A cruel and heartless nation, they would attack neighboring countries, kill all the men and children and rape and take the women captive. The nation had staged several attacks on Israel during Jonah’s day, and it’s possible he had witnessed their brutality. Or lost a family member to one of their assaults. 

So when God called Jonah to go to the people of Ninevah and preach against it, I’m not surprised he said no. No way was he going to warn the Ninevites that if they didn’t repent of their wicked ways, God would judge them. 

He wanted God to judge them. He wanted them to get the punishment they deserved for the evil they had done. He wanted them to suffer like they’d caused others to suffer. 

If the Assyrians spent an eternity burning in hell, it still wouldn’t be long enough. Tell them about God? Oh no. For all he knew, they might repent. And then God, the loving God who is gracious and compassionate, might forgive them. 

Nope. Not happening. 

Jonah bought a one-way ticket on a ship headed for Tarshish and sailed as far away from Ninevah as he could go. 

In the months following my uncle’s death, I grew increasingly bitter against his murderer. One night, unable to sleep, I opened my Bible to the story of the rich man and Lazarus. 

The rich man didn’t appear to be like the Assyrians—like Ed—and yet he was suffering the fires of hell. Ed Huntington deserves to be punished like that, I thought. 

And so do you, the Lord whispered into my heart. 

What? I deserved to be punished? The thought shocked me and caused my spirit to rise up in righteous indignation. I’m not a murderer. I haven’t taken an innocent life. I’m a good person. 

But your sins were just as offensive to me, the Lord said. All have sinned and fallen short of my glory. There are no exceptions. The only difference between you and him is that your sin is covered by the blood of my Son. 

In an instant all my pride, anger, and bitterness crashed down on me. I saw myself as God had seen me so many years ago—lost and wallowing in my sin, desperately in need of a Savior. 

With this realization came God’s call. As God had told Jonah, so God told me—Go and tell. Tell him that the God who had forgiven you was also willing to forgive him. 

My desire for vengeance still lingered, but my desire to obey God was stronger. Knowing it wasn’t wise to knock on a murderer’s front door, I chose to write Ed Huntington a letter. I told him how much his actions had hurt our family and how bitter I had become. “You’ve escaped punishment on this earth,” I wrote, “but one day you’ll stand before God and give an account of your life. Only the mercy of God will spare you from eternal punishment.” 

Then I told him how our gracious and compassionate God had made a way for sinful man to stand before Him without fear of judgment. “Jesus bore our sins in his body on the cross. ‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness’ (1 John 1:9). I’ve experienced this forgiveness, and I hope you will too. Because Christ has forgiven me, so I forgive you.” 

Jonah experienced a similar change of heart toward the Ninevites. 

Sloshing around in the fish’s belly for three days and three nights caused him to ponder God’s mercy. Instead of allowing him to drown in the sea, God had sent a great fish to save his life. As the recipient of amazing grace, Jonah promised to extend that same grace to the Ninevites.

“But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord’” (2:9). 

I don’t know if Ed Huntington came to faith in Christ because of my letter, but I hope he did. I do know that because of Jonah’s obedience all the inhabitants of Ninevah repented and called upon the name of the Lord. And while their repentance didn’t erase the effects of their sin, in some ways, it may have redeemed them. 

Whether we’ve sinned once or a thousand times, in small ways or in great, we’re equally in need of God’s forgiveness. 

Is there someone in your life who has sinned against you or someone you love that you’ve been unable to forgive? Has this unforgiveness hindered you from obeying God in other ways? Talk to God about it. Ponder, as Jonah did, the great sin debt God has erased from your life and how grateful you are for his forgiveness. Think about God’s gracious and compassionate heart. Ask Him to give you this same heart. Commit to extend mercy and forgiveness to others as you have received it. 

*The story is true, but the name is fictitious.

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