When I Said No to God

"Those who regard worthless idols forsake their own Mercy." Jonah 2:8

I thought I’d surrendered my life to God the day I prayed to receive salvation. “I’m sick of living my life my way,” I prayed that day in my pastor’s office. “I don’t want to be in charge any more. I need someone bigger than me to control my life.” 

I meant that prayer with my whole heart. 

In the days that followed my conversion, God began to change me. My questionable music went first. Then I tossed my bikini in the trash. Next I stopped watching the steamy nighttime drama I looked forward to every week. 

Strangely enough, none of those changes were painful. God would show me what he wanted me to surrender to Him, and I did. Joyfully. 

But then I sensed God calling me to do something I really didn’t want to do. Much more significant than giving up questionable music, a skimpy bathing suit, and a trashy television show, this was huge. 

If I called you to go to the mission field, He whispered to my heart one day, would you say yes? 

No way, I thought. I’ll never go to the mission field. I love my life here. I love my country, my routine, and my comfort zone. The mission field is okay for some, but not for me. Absolutely not. 

Up to this point in my Christian life, I’d always said yes to God. Now, for the first time, I said no. I was just like the Jonah of Bible days, and I knew how he felt. 

I didn’t climb aboard a ship headed in the opposite direction from where God wanted me to go, but I was acting just as rebellious. 

Despite a clear call from God, Jonah decided he’d rather die than share the gospel with the nasty Ninevites. He bought a ticket on a ship heading far away from where God had called him to go. 

In response to his disobedience, God stirred up a great tempest. When the sailors drew lots to find out who had angered the God of the wind and the waves, Jonah’s lot was chosen. "Pick me up and throw me into the sea," he replied, "and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you” (verse 1:12). 

Jonah could have surrendered his rebellious heart to God as his shipmates tossed him overboard. He could have said yes to Him when his lungs burned because he couldn’t hold his breath any longer. Or when the great fish swallowed him. Surely that should have broken his will, 

But it didn’t. 

Jonah spent three days and three nights sitting with his arms crossed in the pitch black belly of the whale. Floating in gastric juices and inhaling the stench of rotting fish, he forsook the mercy of obedience by clinging to the worthless idols of prejudice, superiority, and rebellion. 

Until a light dawned. 

“When my life was ebbing away,” Jonah prayed, “I remembered you, LORD, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.” 

My surrender took a little longer than Jonah’s, but eventually I found myself in the belly of a fish that looked a lot like my living room. I was homeschooling my young daughters, and every morning we’d begin our day with a Bible lesson. “It’s very important to obey God,” I told them. “You can trust Him to know what’s best for you.” 

As they nodded their heads solemnly, the hypocrisy of my statement washed over me. I had no right to teach my daughters to obey God when a rebelliously-black heart beat in my chest.

 Ashamed, I stumbled to my bedroom, shut the door, and fell to my knees. I buried my face in my hands and sobbed. “Lord, I’m so sorry I’ve said no to you. I was afraid if I obeyed you, I’d be miserable. But living in disobedience and rebellion is more miserable. I miss the sweetness of your fellowship and the warmth of your smile. I want your blessing on my life. I still don’t want to go to the mission field, but I trust you to know what’s best for me and my family. Whatever you tell me to do, I’ll do it. Amen.” 

Jonah’s prayer of repentance was much shorter than mine: “But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good." (verse 2:9) 

“And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land” (verse 2:10). 

My release wasn’t quite so dramatic, but it was every bit as glorious. A whale-sized load slid off my back, and I felt the Lord smile. My joy returned, and my spirit soared. All was well again between me and my Savior.

 More than twenty years have passed since I surrendered my life to the mission field. While I’ve taken several short term mission trips and been willing to go where God sends me, He hasn’t told me to serve Him as a full time missionary away from home. 

When I wonder about the purpose of those difficult days so many years ago, I suspect, like with Jonah, that the issue wasn’t about the specific call as much as it was about my willingness to obey whatever God called me to do. Would I embrace the worthless idols of disobedience, rebellion, and comfort or embrace the mercy God extends toward me to obey? 

Life is a series of surrenders. While some are more difficult than others, each one presents an opportunity to say yes to God. 

Is there a part of your life you’ve been unwilling or afraid to surrender to God? Is He calling you to take that step of faith? You can trust Him. Whether you say a prayer like mine or use your own words, talk to God about it. Tell Him that whatever he calls you to do, you’ll do it. 

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