Some were simple and innocent. When I was very young, I believed dogs were male and cats were female. I don’t think anyone told me that. I just figured it out.
When I was a teenager, I believed my friends were smarter than my parents, I was going to marry my high school boyfriend, and if my good works outweighed my bad works, I’d go to heaven someday.
Adulthood cleared up those misconceptions, but brought with it a brand new batch of convincing lies. And then motherhood buried me in them.
I believed because I didn’t enjoy other people’s children, I wouldn’t be a good mother. That the “experts” could do a better job teaching my children than I could.
That I was sacrificing my personal and professional development by staying home with my kids.
That some women were natural-born mothers, and the rest of us would always struggle.
Because I believed these lies, I often felt discouraged and defeated. I was hamstrung by forces I thought were beyond my control.
If I was more easy-going, my kids would be happier (and so would I). I have to choose between the structure I need and the freedom they need. We can’t have both. Because fun doesn't come naturally to me, my kids are missing out.
Like the Charleston, South Carolina biting gnats famous for tormenting tourists and natives alike, these lies would swarm around me looking for vulnerable spots and tender places to bite. I spent more than a few dark days pondering my inadequacies.
In this easy-to-read, conversational book, Hargraves tackles 32 of the most common lies mothers believe and divides them into five categories: Lies about the work of motherhood, lies about how God views us as moms, lies about ourselves as moms, lies about our children, and lies about our parenting choices.
And Hargraves doesn’t pull any punches. Lie #1 will make your heart race just considering the implications that it might not be true:
Lie #1: Motherhood Is a Woman’s Highest Calling.
In addition to some of the lies I believed, she uses solid Scripture to debunk statements like:
I am to find my ultimate fulfillment in motherhood.
Mommy guilt is just something I have to live with.
My children would be better off having a different mom.
I’m selfish if I have any “me time,” or I need a lot of “me time.”
Then she boldly (but lovingly) calls us to consider that perhaps some of these statements aren’t true either:
Children are really expensive.
Children ruin a marriage.
And The most important thing is my child’s education.
What I appreciate most about Hargraves' book is how she goes about dismantling the lies – she counteracts them with the truth of Scripture. Second Corinthians 10:15 tells us to take every thought captive to the obedience of Scripture, and that’s what she does – somehow without being preachy or boring.
If you’ve ever struggled with discouraging mom thoughts, this book is for you. I believe in it so much that I’m willing to send a copy (with its accompanying Bible study workbook) to one lucky (United States) reader. To enter your name in the drawing, leave a comment on this post sharing one lie you’ve struggled with as a mom. At the end of the week, I’ll draw one name randomly from those who commented and announce the winner. Be sure to check back to see if you won. If I draw your name, I’ll need you to message me your mailing address.
Finally, let me leave you with an encouraging charge from the final page of Lies Moms Believe:
“When mommy guilt begins to weigh you down, I pray you will remember that, as my friend Tina says, 'Our scars are not who we are; His scars are.' When you are tempted to believe you are enough, I pray that you will remember instead that He is, and therein find your strength and the power needed for this journey of mothering. . . I hope you remember the beautiful words of Zephaniah 3:17 and embrace them as your own:
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| Rebekah Hargraves |
“The Lord is for you, mamma, and has fully equipped you for the high and holy calling of motherhood. You’ve got this! You can do it!”
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The lie I've struggled with - When my adult children make mistakes, it's because somehow I've failed them.
ReplyDeleteYup. Been there, done that. A bit self-exalting, isn’t it, to think that we’re that important? But yet we get sucked in ...
DeleteMom guilt frequently. That I’m not doing enough with them, yet when I do “a lot” with them, I’m tapped out/touched out & then want to be away instead of available to them. :/
ReplyDeleteYes, that delicate balance. SO hard to maintain. I hear ya.
DeleteMy kids would enjoy life more and look forward to their futures more positively if I was more fun and more encouraging and less realistic and practical! I think that way about myself too.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard, Crystal, especially when we look around at the outgoing, “fun” moms we wish we were more like. Yet God picked us as our children’s mother. And he knows what He’s doing. We can trust him.
DeleteI was into the number 1 lie, "Motherhood is a woman's highest calling," and yet I chose to be a mother and work as a nurse.....I have been conflicted over this for years!
ReplyDeleteI, too, worked part time while rearing my children, Beth, and struggled with my two callings. I can relate, friendz
DeleteNow that my 2 sons are grown, I'm hit with - it's to late, you messed up and can't fix it now.
ReplyDeleteIsn’t it funny how the lies don’t stop once our children leave our home? Satan never gives up. But God’s Word trumps his lies every time. Pray on, Jackie!
DeleteYup, yup, yup. This one is a popular one, for sure. I’m sure that “perfect mama” thinks the same thing about someone else, don’t you think?
ReplyDeleteI would have to say the one I've been struggling most with lately would be:
ReplyDelete" I don't have enough patience or enough training to homeschool my child."
-Katie
Hi Katie, I struggled with that one until my last child graduated from homeschool high school and was accepted into the college of her choice. It’s a powerful one, for sure.
DeleteWow. Came across your blog somehow and I'm so glad I did! What I've been wrestling with lately: "Your children would be much happier and better behaved if they went to a school because they have more structure and fun stuff to do than you." At least I hope it's a lie. :/
ReplyDeleteI heard that one a lot, Nicole. Now that mine are HS graduates, they talk all the time about the fun stuff they did in homeschool :) Hang in there!
DeleteAnd the winner is... Crystal Torok! Congratulations and Happy Mother’s Day. Please message me (LoriAHatcher (at) gmail.com and give me your mailing address so I can get these books right out to you.
ReplyDelete