When You've Been Wronged--3 Steps to Healing

A betrayal. 

A sin.
 A crime. 

Our hearts are crushed. Our emotions—raw. Our trust? Destroyed. 

What do we do when we’ve been wronged? 

We’ve read the verses: 

“Forgive as you’ve been forgiven.” 

“Turn the other cheek.” 

And we believe them in our heads. Sometimes we even choose to extend forgiveness, because we know God’s Word is true. We want to be obedient, but our hearts continue to bleed, and our souls continue to ache. What are we to do? 

Hebrews 12:15 holds the key.

“See to it that no one misses the grace of God. . .”

The grace of God—offered freely. Almost tangible in its beauty. 

Grace feels like sunshine and warm breezes as it washes over our broken and hurting souls. When we turn our faces toward God instead of away, grace meets us there. It meets us in the broken moments, and the healing process begins.

 If we let it. 

“Let no bitter root grow up to cause trouble and defile many.

Bitterness is the opposite of grace. Bitterness is swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die. Bitterness is hurt gone septic. 

Grace or bitterness? 

Bitterness or grace? 

Choosing grace doesn’t deny the hurt, the pain, the sin. Instead, it lances the festering sore and allows the poison to drain. It allows healing to begin. 

Here are three ways we can apply grace: 

1.  We choose to forgive. “Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a promise. Forgiveness is the promise that is reflected in the statement, ‘I will no longer hold that against you,’” Dr. Gary Chapman writes, in The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

2.  When we remember the hurt, we acknowledge it and give it to God. “When memory brings back the pain and hurt,” Chapman writes, “I can take the emotions to God and thank him that even though I still feel this pain, that sin is now forgiven.” 

3.  We can choose to respond in love toward the one who has wronged us. “I ask (the Lord) to help me do something loving. In time, the memory and the pain will diminish as we build new positive memories,” Chapman says. 
Bitterness or grace? 

Grace or bitterness?

What to do when we’ve been wronged? 

 Let's choose grace. 

If you live in the Columbia, SC area, please plan to join me and the lovely ladies of Spring Valley Baptist Church on Thursday, April 18, for Dinner in the Valley. I'll be sharing a presentation called "Everyone Has a Story; What's Yours?" based on my work at Reach Out, Columbia magazine. Tickets are $12, include a delicious meal, and can be obtained by calling 736-0624 or online here.

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  2. Thank you for the reminder that bitterness isn't permitted. We must give grace, just as we've been given it. So easy to say, so hard to do. But we must.

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  6. Beautiful. I think some people choose to be bitter because they think that if you forgive it's saying "that's o.k." But it's not, just as you said.

    It's just choosing to let God heal you and choosing to not allow the pain and anger to control you and destroy you anymore. Forgiveness heals.

    Forgiveness does not mean that you are going to open yourself up to dangerous situations or dangerous behavior just because you're letting go of the bitterness. I think people need to remember that it's o.k. to forgive but sometimes you'd better not forget and had better keep yourself safe.

    Some things are hard to forgive and that's the work of the Lord because we certainly couldn't do it on our own. Sometimes forgiveness takes a lot of work and a lot of healing.

    Thanks so much for linking up to the "Making Your Home Sing Monday" linky party today! ;)

  7. lorihatcher9:31 PM

    "I think people need to remember that it's o.k. to forgive but sometimes
    you'd better not forget and had better keep yourself safe." Absolutely, Nan, forgiving isn't being foolish. you are a wise woman!

  8. Mary Redo9:01 AM

    A very timely message for me, thank you so much for sharing. Hugs ~ Mary

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  10. Amen, sister! Forgiveness is NOT being foolish! Thanks so much for linking up to the "Making Your Home Sing" linky party today! :)