Would You Cheat on Your Husband?

Yes, you would.

And so would I.

. . . but for the grace of God.

"The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked," Jeremiah 17:9 says, "who can know it?"

Here are some ways our heart (and Hollywood, the media, popular woman's magazines, and our friends) lie to us:

1.  They tell us someone else could better meet our needs.

2.  They tell us another man would appreciate us more.

3.  They tell us our marriage is too broken to fix.

4.  They tell us we deserve to be happy.

And sometimes we think that:

5. OTHERS might cheat on their husbands, but I would NEVER do such a thing.

These are lies from the pit of Hell.

In reverse order, let's tackle them.

5. I would never cheat on my husband.

 "No temptation has seized you but what is common to man (or woman)" (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Each of us "is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed" (James 1:14).

These two verses remind us that temptation is common to us all, and the potential for infidelity is only one temptation away. We are foolish if we don't diligently guard our hearts and marriages.

"So, if you think you are standing firm," 1 Corinthians 10:12 reminds us, "be careful that you don't fall!"

4. I deserve to be happy.

Sorry to be a bubble buster today, but God did not come into our lives to make us happy. God came to make us holy. 

Often, the difficult people in our lives are God's sandpaper to smooth the rough edges of our character and make them shine. Did you know that wood, when polished smooth and sealed, has the ability to reflect a person's face? How much smoothing do we need to accurately reflect God's face to the world? Often when I pray for change in my husband, God changes me instead.  It's a beautiful mystery.

3.  My marriage is too broken to fix.

Another lie. "Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you" (Jeremiah 32:17).

It may not be easy. And it may not be fun, but most marriages can be improved. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Marriage You've Always Wanted, with 35+ years of experience in marital counseling, says this:
“We cannot change our spouses, but we can influence them. We do so every day, either positively or negatively.” In his book, Desperate Marriages, he addresses the individual married to someone who is a workaholic, alcoholic, never home, won’t work, or is physically or verbally abusive. 

“You are in the best position of all,” he says, “to influence your spouse through the biblical concept of loving your enemy and returning good for evil. I've seen hardened, hopeless men melt under the power of a spouse demonstrating unconditional love in a way they can understand.”

2.  Someone else would appreciate me more, and 1. Someone else could better meet my needs. 

“All of us want to be happy, and there’s nothing wrong with that,” Chapman says. The reality is that happiness doesn’t come from having a spouse who does everything we want them to do. “Happiness,” he says, “is the byproduct of giving your life away to help others. The happiest people in the world are people who serve.” 

Marriage -- two vastly different, sinful, selfish people living in close proximity to one another for years, is one of the greatest challenges we face today. It can also be one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives. It's no coincidence that God compared the relationship of a husband and a wife with his love affair with the church. It is through God-honoring, committed marriages that God can best demonstrate the unconditional, sacrificial, beautiful love he has for the world.

Will you join me in committing to do whatever it takes to honor God through our marriages? 

Focus on the Family has trained counselors available to help. Last year, they helped save a marriage every 6 minutes.

Do you know someone who could benefit from this post? Would you click on the button below to share it with them via Facebook, Email, or Twitter? I'd love to encourage them as well. 

If you enjoyed this post, you might like "The Day the House Burned Down. Is Your Marriage Fireproof?



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  1. Crystal J7:27 AM

    I believed the lies as did my husband. We both step away from our marriage at one very dark dark time. He did it and then I did it back just to get back at him. It was the worst thing that I ever could of done, as neither of us can say we are the only ones that we have been with anymore. That gift is gone, but to replace it came light, love, forgiveness, trust, and faith. Faith in GOD, us and our family. We are stronger together now then we have ever been and that nasty time was over 7 years ago. We overcame it with lots of love and grace from our God. Thank you for this awesome post.

  2. This is so true, Lori. Thanks for highlighting this mistaken notion and bringing wisdom to the subject. I'm praying it breaks through someone's denial today!

  3. Tammy S11:43 AM

    Oh Lori, these words are Truthful and I hope those who read this are encouraged to guard their hearts. Let's remember that we can even cheat in thought too. Matt 5:27-28 applies to women as well. 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

    Wow, that struck me down a few times. While I haven't had an affair (emotional or physical) those thoughts sure ran through my head, especially when I had to face my husband's adultery. My own self-pity and sinful self flickered those thoughts across my mind. We really do need to.. 23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Prov 4:23.

    Crystal what a blessing to hear your struggles and now 7 years later your marriage is a covenant that you and your husband hold sacredly with God. Its is encouraging only being one year out from a 5 year dark period. It is about trust and faith in God, as well as forgiveness. I think more women are going through this alone and we need to encourage them. Jeremiah 32:17 is a great example of God's power!!

    Philippians 4:6-9 is a verse I keep on my fridge whenever bad thoughts try to invade my head. I pray more men and women stand firm in their commitment to God and their marriages. God speed!

  4. As the years tick on in our marriage, and the troubles amount, it gets harder and harder for me not to listen to the world. Thank you for the reminders that it is not easy for anyone, and right where I should keep my devotion.

  5. lorihatcher12:20 PM

    You're right, Taryne, we never "outgrow" our need to guard our hearts, even if we've been married for many years. Dr. Chapman said that the second highest rate of divorce occurs in marriages that are 20+ years old. It's a sobering reminder.

  6. lorihatcher12:21 PM

    Tammy, you make an excellent point. All sin begins in our minds, so we need to be extra vigilant in out thought life so the rest of our behavior remains pure as well. Thanks for adding this reminder to the conversation.

  7. lorihatcher12:23 PM

    Beth, I've never counted how many times we're encouraged to "be on guard," in Scripture, but I"m sure it's a lot. And for a good reason -- "be sober, be vigilant, for your adversary the devil is like a prowling lion, seeking the marriage (my addition) he can destroy."

  8. lorihatcher12:24 PM

    Crystal, you are brave to share your story, but I know the realization that you and your husband came to, as well as its message of hope and restoration will encourage many not to give up on their marriages. God can bring beauty from ashes, and your story is a wonderful testimony of that. Thanks for sharing today.

  9. Such a great post! The world would like to deceive us all.

    Stopping by from The Alabaster Jar :)

  10. This is all so true. I have seen firsthand that a marriage is never too broken to fix. Thank you for sharing all of these truths. Our society teaches us the opposite.

  11. I need some serious help in my marriage. I would love to receive the book.

  12. A wonderful reminder that no matter where I am in my walk with the Lord, the devil is ready to attack. I would love Dr. Chapman's book. Thank you for laying out like it truly is, not everyone wants to hear it, especially with Biblical points attached.

  13. GailBP1:23 PM

    Excellent "unexpected answers" to these questions. But you are so right. We are all capable of these sins if we are not thinking right. Bless you, Lori, for this reminder.

  14. True stuff! Thank God for His grace! It's great to encourage one another to be mindful of where we let our thoughts go.

    I'm hosting my Homemaking Linkup Weekend and would love to
    have you join, if you'd like!

    Have a great day!

    Mrs. Sarah Coller

  15. What a load of claptrap. You must be very unhappy in your marriage if the only thing stopping you from cheating is god. I am an atheist who has been happily married for 22 years to a wonderful man. I have never been unfaithful to him or even thought of another man since the day I met him. Kind of blows your theory out of the water somewhat. I actually feel quite sorry for you.

  16. Good stuff! I actually was thinking about posting on this very topic in the next couple of weeks. This is great... I may link to your post if that's okay?

  17. lorihatcher9:30 PM

    Absolutey, A.J., I'd be honored :)

  18. You are absolutely right. No marriage is failproof. When people first start dating, they do so much to fan the flames of love and guard their relationship. As time goes on, we can get lazy. We can allow other people or other things to interfere. We moms can get too busy and ignore our husband in favor of paying more attention to our children. Men can focus more on their jobs or the internet (women too) and less on their spouse.

    We mustn't stop nurturing and building our relationship with our husbands.. We have a God Who is Love personified, and He is more than willing to HELP us love them in our actions instead of just empty words. Words are empty without action, aren't they?

    Thank you for linking up to Making Your Home Sing Monday! I'd
    appreciate it if you'd put a courtesy link back to the linky party on your post
    so that others can join us too, thank you!

  19. What you shared in this post is so true and it doesn't matter how old we are. We need to guard our marriages and be faithful to our husbands. I really like the things that Gary Chapman shares in his book and really would like to seriously read them. He has such wisdom. Thanks so much for sharing these sounds tips and for linking up over at WholeHearted Home this week.

  20. lorihatcher9:03 PM

    Praying for you, LLio -- never give up. Nothing is too hard for God!

  21. lorihatcher9:03 PM

    Thanks Sarah, for the invite :)

  22. lorihatcher9:05 PM

    Dr. Chapman is a true champion for marriages. And all his advice is wise, because it comes from biblical principles and tried and true experience. I've not read a single book of his that wasn't helpful. In fact, we're leading an Empty Nesters' Bible study right now based on his book, "The Marriage You've Always Wanted." It's excellent!

  23. lorihatcher9:07 PM

    Sharla, I think this is why it's so important to fill our hearts with the truth of God's Word, 'cause we sure won't hear truth from the world! Thanks for stopping by.

  24. lorihatcher9:08 PM

    SHARLA! CONGRATULATIONS! You're the winner of Dr. Chapman's book. I'll be in touch soon for your mailing address.

  25. am anabela jonny I really want to thank Dr Aluta for saving my marriage. My husband really treat me bad and left the home for almost 1 month i was sick because of this,i was not my self again, then i told my friend about my husband case then she told me to contact Dr Aluta that he will help me bring back my husbandt he told me that my husband is under a great spell of another woman. They cast a spell of return back of love on him. And he came back home for forgiveness and today we are happy again, i want you all who are having relationship, ex and even husband problem to contact Wish you all success.

  26. Pamela Kuhn8:13 AM

    "But for the grace of God." So taken for granted, this grace. So freely give, this grace. Yet like the song, so amazing, this grace!

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