The Greatest Gift We Can Give Our Young Adults

"The highest percentages of marriages fail in the first seven years." This alarming statistic comes from someone who knows -- Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages.

"We haven't done a very good job preparing our  young people for marriage," he concludes. "Most people spend at least four years getting ready for their vocation. They go to a college, or a technical school learning and getting ready for their career, but how much time do they spend getting ready for marriage?" he asks. "They might see a pastor three or four times, and that would be exceptional."

Consequently, he says, "They're much more successful at their jobs than at their marriages."

Chapman feels the key to helping our young adults enjoy successful marriages lies in education. "If we can do a better job of helping young people before marriage come to understand that after they come down off their newlywed high, they're going to have to work at marriage, then they have a better chance of succeeding."

The time to prepare for marriage is not when a couple gets engaged, Chapman says, but long before. Parents, youth ministers, college campus pastors all need to be educating their young adults. To provide the wise information  and counsel young people need to prepare for marriage, he's written the book, Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married.

A pastor, author, and marriage and family counselor for over 30 years, Chapman has counseled thousands of struggling couples. He's identified some of the greatest sources of conflict, especially in young marriages. 

Sample chapter topics in his book are: I Wish I'd Known that:
  • Toilets aren't self-cleaning
  •  Being in love isn't an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage
  • The saying, "Like mother, like daughter" and "Like father, like son" is no a myth
  • How to solve disagreements without arguing
  • I was marrying into a family
  • Spirituality is not to be equated with "going to church"
  • Forgiveness is not a feeling
"If we can teach young people that the newlywed euphoria has an average life span of two years," Chapman says, "and they're going to come down off the high and then they're going to have to learn how to keep love alive, and that it's going to take effort, then they've got a much better chance."

  I've been married for almost 28 years, and God has taught my husband and me a lot about how to live together in harmony, how to respect each others' differences, and how to glorify God through our marriage. He's brought us through some dark, hard, sad, and hopeless times. If we'd had a book like Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, I think some of the hard times wouldn't have been so hard. 

Do you have a son or daughter high school aged or older? They need this book.

Read it first, Then share it with them.

Do you have a son or daughter who is involved in a serious dating or engaged relationship? Buy two copies. Give one to your child and one to their significant other. It will spark many great conversations, and it could be the greatest gift you give them. 

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  1. Hey there Lori! how are you? Wow, love Gary Chapman's books! well done and thanks for sharing!

    hey I've have nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award, why don't check today's post to know what is all about! :) remain blessed! x

    PS. Have you read my email?

  2. Anonymous6:05 AM

    This Gary Chapman book looks like a great book...thanks for sharing. By the way---so glad you commented on my blog because now I know about you and I have your e-book! Can't wait to read my first devotional for the homeschooling week!Blessings...

    1. Thank you so much for stopping by, and also for the privilege of encouraging you along on your homeschool journey. I'd love to hear your feedback on Joy in the Journey. I pray it empowers and equips you to press on in faith :)

  3. Visiting from the Thriving Thursday blog hop. Thanks for sharing about this book. I do have children this age.

  4. This looks like a great book! I'm going to get it for my two youngest daughters who are nearing the age of marriage. Thanks for linking up at
    Courtship Connection!

  5. Oh thanks for sharing this. I am passing on.
    Have a Blessed Friday,

  6. I also read this book, although after getting married, and agree there are many great tidbits of information that can help prepare all men and women as they work at building joyous marriages that last years and years.

    Thank you for linking up with Cozy Book Hop, as this is a great review!


  7. Hi Lori, just letting you know that I have nominated you for the Liebster blog award. You will find it here:
    Look forward to seeing you there. Its a great way to get to know other bloggers a little better
    God bless

  8. Love Gary Chapman's books! We worked through the "Love Languages" books with our adult kids and parents, and it's been such a blessing for our family interactions. (Have you read Chapman and Jennifer Thomas' book "The Five Languages of Apology"? Another great one!) I'm looking forward to adding this newest one to our "arsenal"!

    Before our son and his love were married, we asked them to take a Prepare/Enrich course and attend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace course. They say these two courses really shaped their decisions in the first 2 years of their marriage.

  9. I know I'm so grateful to have had wise parents who taught me how to live well in marriage before I was even planning to get married. Because of that--I think there were nearly as many unfortunate surprises as there sometimes are for young couples who get married. We still had to learn a few things the hard way in the first year of marriage, though. Like most humans, my husband and I can be stubborn!

  10. This is so informative, thanks a lot for sharing. I know it will be a blessing to the young people within my circle of influence.
    Visiting from Matrimonial Monday, have a super blessed day!

  11. Our son is engaged and he and his fiancee have actively been asking their married friends for things they should talk about before they get married. This book would also be a good resource! Thanks.

    I'm visiting through Teach Me Tuesdays.

  12. I read this book! I'm not yet married, and enjoyed soaking up the wisdom I found in it. Thanks for sharing! Found your review via Hear it... Use it. :)

  13. This sounds like a great book. I have read a little of Chapman's book and have one that I have been reading. Good, encouraging insight!!

    Thanks for linking up over at WholeHearted Home. I always find your posts to be top-notch and such a blessing to my life.

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