"How Was Your Day?" "Fine." A Cure

"How was your day?"

"Fine."

Don't you just want to scream?

Or cry?

You live in the same house with the man or woman you've pledged to love, honor, and cherish, but you can't even carry on a conversation. 

When you were dating, you'd talk for hours about everything, but now it's unusual to get beyond the type of superficial exchange you could share with the stranger standing in the grocery line.

What happened?

 "When we fail to communicate openly and meaningfully," writes Dr. Gary Chapman in his new book The Marriage You've Always Wanted, "We dam up the stream of life and tend to create a stagnant pool of self pity. We feel alone because we are alone. We may still live in the same house, but we live as two lonely people rather than as a unit. This is precisely the opposite of what God intended."

He goes on to say that communication doesn't come naturally, nor, on the other hand, is it impossible to attain. It simply takes effort and commitment to bring it about. "If we are to enjoy that warm flow of life that is the deepest of all human satisfactions, we must communicate. . . 

"Communication is an act of the will," Chapman says. "We communicate by deliberate act."






To aid a couple in going beyond "Fine," he suggests this exercise. He promises that if each partner will commit to doing it for a month, they will experience better communication and an increase in warm feelings.

Three Steps for Going Beyond "Fine":

1.  Commit to tell each other three things that happened every day.

2.  In response, the spouse (or friend, or parent) says, "And how did that make you feel?"

3.  When they answer, reply appropriately.

 
Using this exercise encourages you not only to discuss "happenings," but also feelings. Sharing feelings is the key to growing your relationship and opening up further avenues of deeper communication. "The process of sharing, " observes Chapman, "will bring a fresh sense of oneness to your  mate (friend, child, parent). He/she will begin to feel a part of what you are doing."

Don't think this technique is limited to only marriage. Imagine if you begin to apply this to your family around your dining room table, and each member of the family shared not only what happened that day, but how he/she felt? What if you practiced it with a friend? These other relationships also need help to grow.

 What's your best tip for encouraging good communication? Leave a comment below and join the conversation. I'd love to hear from you!

In my next relationship post, I'll share a tip my husband and I learned to apply during a dry spell in our marriage. I trust it will help you too. 

Subsequent posts in this series include "How to Effectively Share Criticism," and "How to Fight Fairly." If you haven't yet subscribed to Hungry for God, do so now in the box below so you won't miss one of these helpful posts.

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